Relationships are all around us. Whether it is in person or virtually, we typically interact with people on a daily basis. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself where we learn how to be in relationships with others? Did anyone teach you relationship skills to help you navigate the complexities that exist when you are living life alongside others?
Often conversations about relationship skills are not part of our growing up years, leaving us without much guidance so we manufacture our own set of skills. We may draw inspiration from relationships in our life or from those we have watched from afar. But how do we know if the places that we are choosing to draw our inspiration are helping to create healthy patterns in our relationships? Without guidance we may not know until we find ourselves in a relationship that is unhealthy and possibly even dangerous.
At Sarah’s Home we know that the young women who come through our doors have experienced significant trauma and were most likely groomed and manipulated by their traffickers. They have lived in the midst of a relationship that was based on power and control. We want them to know that there is a different way. Through conversations and giving them tools, we hope that when they leave our doors they feel confident in being able to recognize signs of unhealthy relationships and how to pursue ones that are life giving. Beyond the skills, we want to instill a belief in them that they are worth being treated with dignity and respect.
We have the privilege of having staff who are trained through the Center for Relationship Education to teach their REAL curriculum. Here’s what they have to say about their curriculum: “REAL Essentials Advance is the country’s leading relationship education curriculum. It is specifically designed to equip adults to teach young people skills for combating challenges they face in adolescence. Lesson content captivates the heart and directs students toward positive decision making…All lessons are inclusive, evidence based and medically accurate.”
Using this curriculum has given our staff the framework to have these conversations in a productive manner that really sinks in with our girls. The lessons are fun, interactive and generate a lot of great conversation.
One of the lessons that has become a favorite of our girls talks about the importance of having a strong foundation to build a relationship on. The lesson then goes on to describe the importance of communication, talking, and learning about one another as fundamental pieces of that strong foundation. In order to create a visual of this concept, we use a tiered cake with several different “layers” that have words on them representing different stages of a relationship showing how they build on one another. After talking about the different stages of a relationship we then proceed to build the cake. Once it’s built the instructor says “We all know that hard times will come in any relationship. There will be times that feel a little shaky.” And the instructor shakes the corner of the table. The cake shakes and wobbles a little bit but the cake stays standing.
We then rebuild the cake with the bottom tier in the middle, representing a relationship that did not choose to focus on communication and getting to know one another until later in their relationship once larger commitments have already been made. Then we shake the table again and the cake comes falling down! We talk about how a relationship that is built on a solid foundation has a better chance of weathering the storms of life than one that chooses to skip over this crucial first stage.
For one of our girls this was so impactful that she then proceeded to retell the lesson to other members of the staff including our executive director. She would start the conversations with “Did you know…” and tell them all about how you don’t want that cake to fall!
We believe that through these lessons and conversations seeds are being planted, healthy relationships can emerge and future generations will be impacted!